what is it about being 21 that feels so… big? Like everything that came before was just practice and now I’m a real adult. Logically I know I’ve felt this way after every birthday, but I can’t help but feel like this time is different.
I made it home to Victoria, BC, and my cousin came to see me. She brought her daughter – the sweetest little eighteen month old ball of sunshine you’ve ever seen. Sam, my cousin, is 22 years old. She has a fiancee, a baby, and they’re building a house. And as much as that wasn’t the life that I ever wanted for myself, I can’t help but feel like she seems to really have things figured out.
She’s happy. She’s loved and she’s comfortable and her family is all nearby. Her sisters all have young kids too – they help each other out by babysitting and they plan big family get togethers. Their husbands all have good jobs – manual labour, fishing or building or working on ships like my dad and my uncle.
Bottom line: I’m the only one in the family who is considered a “real adult” and still has no money, no boyfriend, no kids, and no clue what I’m doing. And honestly, this sounds like a complaint… but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I like fending for myself. I like not having to take anyone else into consideration when I decide where to go. I can skip breakfast or stay out all night or sleep until three in the afternoon if I want to. That’s up to me. And maybe I don’t always make the most grown up decisions, but I haven’t died yet – that’s got to count for something.
I don’t have 21 pieces of wisdom for my 21st birthday – I just am not that wise. But there is one thing that I have learnt in 21 years on this earth, and that is that all you can ever do is enjoy what is in front of you.
My birthday was so full of love and laughter (and alcohol) – I felt so lucky. The whole time that I’ve been home in Victoria I’ve felt this way, and it’s that much sweeter knowing that I have a whole life in Toronto just waiting for me. I can’t wait to go home and see my friends (leaving the city has made me realize just how much of a life I’ve created there), to get my room in order, and to have some time to myself. I feel like it’s been ages since I could just read, and meditate, and write, and spend time with my friends. It’s going to be glorious.
Everything is just glorious.
Hope everyone’s holiday is going well – spread a whole lot of love.
Talk soon! -L