I’ve decided that if my life were a tv show it would be one of those really dry, ironic sitcoms. I’m definitely not british, but for some reason I feel like my television self would be.
Ever since my last blog post about how I’m not really a very lifestyle blogger-y type of woman, I’ve really quite embraced the fact that my life is a mess. I’m just… leaning in. Tonight leaning in looks like me lying in bed at 6am watching netflix. I tried sleep, I promise, but that was not successful. Then I started cleaning my room, but cleaning is boring and I only got about half way before deciding I needed to send a very important email to the head of my faculty at school… and now here I am.
Why? Why am I here? Well because I have to tell you about my new favourite show, obviously.
Please Like Me is exactly the TV show my life would be – even the name is relatable! The premise bears absolutely no resemblance at all to my real life – the show is about a twenty year old boy who discovers he’s gay and then has to move in with his suicidal mother. You would think nothing about this would be remotely relatable for me, but there’s something weirdly comforting about it. It’s Australian, not British, but it still has the whole dry, ironic thing going for it. And it’s also pretty realistic, much more than any other twentysomething comedy I’ve found on netflix; afterall I just watched our super gay, very weird, twenty-one year old protagonist pour wine into one wine glass and one mason jar because, really, what house of students has more than one actual wine glass? Of course, I’ve never actually seen anyone on the show study, but then again based on my current situation, that’s seeming quite realistic as well.
What’s less realistic about it, at least when it’s compared to my life, is the fact that everyone is always… dating people?
Is it sad that I, as a relatively not bad looking twenty year old woman, find that an unrealistic standard to live up to?
I’m thinking a lot about my singleness lately.
I’ve been single for quite some time now, and it doesn’t really bother me for the most part. In fact, when I think about dating someone – all the talking and the communicating and the worrying about other people’s needs… always having to tell your partner what you’re doing. I just don’t find it that appealing. Quite frankly I have yet to find somebody worth that much trouble.
It is a lot of trouble isn’t it?
But all that (I’ve just reread that paragraph and realized that “that” is referring to what is obviously my stone cold heart) aside, the question remains… how is everyone finding all of these… dateable (or at least fuckable) human beings? Because I just can’t.
Even just, like, a person I could hang out with that I find relatively attractive? Someone who could be here, currently, being annoyed by me and my inability to sleep. Is that really so much to ask? I mean, the guy in this show is really, truthfully, not a good looking guy… and he always manages to find cute boys to hang out with. If this weird little gay australian guy can find multiple hot guys to hook up with then goddammit I should be able to too!
But alas, I cannot.
I’m not sure yet if the problem is that my standards are too high, I don’t know where to meet people, or I’m just much less attractive than I originally believed, but whatever it is, it’s making life difficult. I’m quite over it.
How does anyone actually meet anyone? How do you find a person whose views and wants and interests align with yours? Does that even happen in real life?
Anyway, at this point it’s 7:30 in the morning and I’ve been up all night. The answer to my problems seems to be to go to the grocery store (braving the snowy conditions) and buy bacon and eggs and a nice loaf of bread and some other delicious foods, and then probably come home and study and consider how I can survive the next week of my life.
There might be some crying at some point, too.
Ahhh yes, that felt like a good honest blog post. Hard to tell when you haven’t slept though.
Happy Monday! – L