I’m not going to lie – I am queen of excuse making. I do it all the time and, what’s probably worse… I’m pretty damn good at it. I cancel plans, I conveniently forget things, I “need to focus on ____, so there’s no time for ___”.
I will rationalize my own stupidity and procrastination until the cows come home. I will repeat an excuse over and over so many times I start to believe it myself.
It’s fucked up.
In fact, I’m sitting in my absolutely disastrous bedroom right now. It’s my turn to clean the bathroom, and I have a pile of dishes in the sink. I should be taking care of all of that right now… but I’m not*. Why?
I could give you a million reasons.
But you know what… that stops now.
When I decided I wanted to start this blog, I looked around at a lot of other popular blogs to get some inspiration, learn some tips and tricks, and just generally figure out what kinds of things worked (rambly personal posts like this, just for the record, do not really work). One of the blogs that I stumbled upon was The Skinny Confidential, which is run by the lovely Lauryn Evarts.
Lauryn is a fucking machine, I swear. She posts every day, and she’s so meticulous… her brand is on point. And another thing I like about her blog? Sometimes her fiancee, Michael, weighs in too. In fact, I just read a post of his that was all about excuses – particularly excuses that have to do with why someone else is doing better than you – and it kind of sort of really hit home. As Michael says:
“There’s always a bigger fish PERIOD, end of story. There is someone in the world right now who would do anything to trade places with YOU, anything! Think about that.”
So I did – I thought about that.
I’m definitely prone to attributing success to privilege – and I don’t even think that’s necessarily wrong. But what’s the point? I have been given what I’ve been given, and all I can do is use it; no point in resenting someone else for what they have, right?
All this thinking kind of got me considering the million, billion times that I’ve told myself I was about to get my shit together – no more excuses. I started getting kind of bummed out. What’s going to make this time different? I always tell myself I’m about to try harder – eat better, go to the gym, write more, study more, be more – and I never make it happen. Failure. Boo hoo, woe is me.
And then suddenly it was like I knew exactly what would be different about this time.
I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath. And I told myself it was okay.
I forgave myself for all of the times I said I’d get my shit together and then proceeded to sleep in until noon and eat donuts for breakfast and put off assignments until the last minute. All the times I said I’d start going to the gym and didn’t, all the nights I spent watching Netflix, all the things I considered failures. I forgave myself for all of it. Those mistakes were all just little steps in my journey, right? They all led me to where I am now. What good is it beating myself up and letting those things hold me back?
Let me tell you – no fucking good at all.
I posted a quote on instagram the other day – ‘let go or be dragged’. It really is true. I don’t want to be dragged down by my own negativity and self sabotage anymore. I’m moving forward – and ONLY forward. No more resentment, towards others or myself. And most importantly… no more excuses.
Thoughts? Does anyone else think maybe they’re holding themselves back by focussing on past failures?
love love love
* for the record, as soon as I wrote that sentence I realized that writing this post was totally an excuse to not take care of my shit, so I quickly threw in a load of laundry and did the dishes. Go Leah, makin’ changes!